Prepared: "ready or able to do or deal with something"
This word has been brought up in conversation to me a lot this past week:
~"Are you prepared for China?"
~ "What do you do to prepare for China?"
~"How do you prepare for China?"
This may come across as a surprise for some people, but I don't have a check-list to prepare myself for China. I'm going to make a packing list and make sure I'm up-to- date on immunizations, but other than that, there isn't anything I can do... and I'm okay with that.
A year ago, I would not have been okay with that.
A year ago, I would not have been preparing for this trip because I wasn't ready.
When people ask me how I prepare for this summer, I can't help but think of how much I can't prepare for this summer. But there is a great amount of peace that comes with knowing the One who has prepared this summer and has been preparing me throughout the past year.
2013 was much like a storm. I lived in what seemed to be a constant state of fear. Loud noises, cell phones buzzing, doors closing, and worst of all, the freshmen year fire drills could send me into a panic and take me back to the May 2010 flood in Nashville and the fire that I woke up to in the middle of that night. I was always looking for the "safest" place I could be in a room wherever I went; whether it was the cafeteria, the library, or the classroom. The dorm room happened to be the safest place to me and that's where I spent a majority of my time.
However, as strange as it sounds, I learned a lot about God from that dorm room. I had tried to make the dorm room into something it was never meant to be; it was never meant to be my refuge. It never could be the safest place to run to. It could never take away the fears that kept me awake at night.
In the fall semester, I started to go see a counselor. The verse that became my anchor and that we talked about each week was Psalm 139
"O Lord, You have searched me! You know when I sit down and when I rise up; You discern my thoughts from afar. You search out my path and my lying down and are acquainted with all my ways. Even before a word is on my tongue, behold, O Lord, you know it all together. " 1-4
He knows me! He knows everything about me and what my day will hold. He knows from the moment I wake up to the moment I go to sleep the thoughts that I have throughout the day. And the greatest thing is that he wants to know these thoughts. He wants me to share them with Him and not just my good, happy thoughts; but my fears and the thoughts that make me anxious.
"Where shall I go from your Spirit? Or where shall I flee from Your presence?"7
There isn't anywhere to run besides to Him. I learned to quit running to things I thought could make me feel safe; the dorm room, corners, rooms on higher floors, seats near a door..etc and learned to just run to Him. He is the safest, He is a refuge from the storms of this world, and He wants to be that for us. He wants me to give him my fears and trust that He alone is enough; because He is always there, no matter where I go.
So, to answer the question: "Am I prepared for China?"
~No, I'm not, but He is and He is the only one that can prepare me for China. He's the only one that can prepare my heart for this summer and I find comfort in knowing that He is who is preparing me and who will carry me through and He is the One who makes me not afraid to jump halfway across the world.
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Maria's Big House of Hope:Where I'll be living this summer! Along with about 120 children!
My dear friend Sarah will also be interning! You can follow along with our summer on her blog too!
http://asfeelingsfade.blogspot.com 
What some of my time will look like! Playing with kids!
We'll also be spending time with the nannies that take care of the kids. I'm so excited to get to know them along with the kids over the three months.
The plan is that both me and Sarah will be blogging weekly; Sarah on Monday's and I'll post on Thursday's. You can also follow Show Hope's blog at http://showhope.org/blog/ I'm excited to share this journey and so thankful for everyone who has helped prepare me along the way!!
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